Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize