end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We got so high we made milksteak
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
