Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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