Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
