This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
