is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
