If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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