I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
