so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
