im six kinds of drunk right now
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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