like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
