i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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