I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
