I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We're too hungover to prance.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
