so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
