That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
