The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
