her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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