and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
