You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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