I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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