Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
