Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
