I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
