After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
