Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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