so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I know her cup size but not her name....
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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