Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
if only i could text you this smell
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
