that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He shit in the fireplace
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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