check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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