My pussy is not your playground.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
