no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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