I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
