oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
