i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
