I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
