Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
