So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
