I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
