alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You took a bar mat shot.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
