so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
