Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
