when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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