BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
