I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
