I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
