What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you win again, gameday.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
