I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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