Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
