I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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