just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she peed on how many people?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You made out with two different species that night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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