I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
