My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
