when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
