There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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