Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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