i was born a porn star she said
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
