Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
