Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
