five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
