I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
