so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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