I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
