ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
