Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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