Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
