There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
