I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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