There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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