We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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