He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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