Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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