Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
