omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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