walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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