Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize