Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
