It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
