Already got asked if we're dating
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
