grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the condom got lost in my hair
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
