So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize