don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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