You can't motorboat a personality
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
