I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They have beer where we have blood.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
