i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
