Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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