don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
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