brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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