Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
