he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I need to sanitize my soul.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
