she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
