singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
