three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
nutella sex= disaster
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
